It’s been a little while since I posted last and to be honest I’m actually really surprised to find myself back here. When it comes to blogs I can be a little bit fickle. I’m the same way with diaries – love the pretty covers and their bookish smell but I get bored easily and usually talk to myself anyway. Apparently thats a sign of higher intelligence but I’m not so sure. Anyway, to cut a long story short I think I’m at a time in my life that I need somewhere to be able to write and an online blog is easy – I type a lot faster than I write.
It really sucks when the low points of other people’s lives become the lowest points of yours. Take me for example: whatever is ailing the people I love whether it be a painful experience, a loss or a personal struggle – I take it on as if it’s my own burden to bare. Its not that I take pleasure out of feeling this sense of connection with people, its just something that I have always suffered with. It likely stems from a steep personal loss at a young age which then gave life to my separation anxiety and GAD (I will abbreviate from now on, but if you’re unsure check my last post). But I won’t self-analyse that aspect of my life, not today at least.
When you are a decidedly creative person with high functioning issues it can become very difficult to decide what the next best thing to do is. You end up wanting to paint a picture, write a book, start a business and win the lottery all at the same time. (The last one is obviously not going to happen but we can all dream. Unless you’re me in which case you actually plan your life out for once you’ve won big). Continue reading “Deciding what to do when everything seems like a great idea”
Why do we need to use social media? Well, we don’t but have you actually met anyone that doesn’t? It’s getting harder and harder to avoid and it makes me want to puke in my mouth. Guess what? I’m also a hypocrite (ummm blogging?!) But I’ve yet to meet/hear of anyone who didn’t once show the true hypocrite side of themselves.
Basically I’ve been going through a process of deleting social media apps off of my phone. Blogging I don’t count as I have to use my laptop and that’s not something I can constantly access. But this evening I’ve been onto Facebook and just seen so many things that make me angry, sad or just generally down. Because these people saying these things I don’t agree with and that stir these feelings in me are the people I’ve surrounded myself with. Isn’t that a bit sad in itself? As time goes on (jeez makes me sound about 70) I find it harder and harder to actually connect with people and I blame social media! Meeting people through a screen, saying things you’d never be able to say to their face and being able to broadcast very strong and often personal opinions? If that was a marketing pitch it would be shot down instantly. Bad ju ju vibes.
There will be people reading this thinking “wow I totally disagree, what a douche canoe”. Well frankly sunshine, I couldn’t agree more. We’ve developed so much and provided ourselves with so much mental stimulation that we’ve actually fully fucked up our brains. Mental health chat imminent but I’ll skip that this time for the purpose of a shorter post. Turns out, every single person living on this planet is a douche canoe. Why is that so hard to believe? Someone, somewhere is going to think it of you. And that my friends is how I’ve come to be having this little thought party with myself at 10pm at night. Spaghetti brainetti. End of evening rant over and out.
When I say ‘mindful monsters’ the first thing that pops into my head isn’t actually the meaning behind the name. Which is my round about way of saying, I liked it, so I picked it.
Nah just kidding. I’m super deep and meaningful really. I picked ‘mindful monsters’ because 1) I obviously have problems that need to be addressed pronto (by this blog not by a professional, don’t worry, I’ve got this) and 2) I’m kinda sorta maybe getting a tiny bit pissed off at all the keyboard warriors taking a swing in the general direction of the mental health taboo topic. In all seriousness, I’m really surprised at how many people (those suffering from mental illness not excluded) are so quick to make judgements of others. Maybe I’m just a super-mushy-all-the-feels kind of person, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt – in this case a shit tonne of empathy.
I don’t really get the whole “oh you’ve got this mental health problem but for reasons 1, 2 and 3 it should not define your life or your relationships”. Even worse? “You’re letting yourself be your mental illness”. Um, dude, hello?! That’s kind of the definition of a mental health problem. Oh my god If I have to write mental health one more time I might just self-combust (from here on in we shall use ‘mh’). I’m mainly pissy about it because someone recently told me there view on mh (close friend, also has mh problems) and it covered the above ideas, which is so narrow-minded. This is where the fun starts in the spaghetti junction of my mind because I empathise greatly with the issues said friend has and understand that this changes the development of certain feelings and opinions but it is incredibly hard to distinguish (for anyone who has a personality disorder) the mh from the actual personality. That’s actually kind of a paradox (wrong use of the word but I like it so) really if you think about it.
So anyway, I don’t want to come across as a dick for saying “hey your opinion and the way you talk about mh offends me” especially if said person would find that difficult to deal with or conversely, find it incredibly offensive themselves. So you see, beautiful shiny internet worm, I’m a little bit spaghetti-o’d in the headio’d. Yes I did just say that, I’m pretty surprised you made it this far really. It’s a load of mush and plasticy-keys and words. If anything this blog is for me because I recently realised that I want somewhere to vent, anonymously, about life and all the associated shits and gigs (I hate that, let’s never say that again).
A fair few of my posts will be outpourings of feeling and/or rants that won’t follow the tangent or style of this post but I just wanted any of those random bots floating around (checking if this is indeed a page) to know that I’m a pretty great, cool and totally awesome chick. I’m gruel. If you don’t get that reference that is probably a pretty big sign that you should leave and never come back. It’s about to get weird.
TL;DR Mindful monsters = people that think they’re being mindful but are really toe-stomping dicktwots that need a reality check.
OR. If you don’t like that (because you’re the mindful monster) then take it as referring to those mindful of others’ mental struggles i.e. monsters.